Tinder Love Story

My husband

They say hindsight is 20/20 and no matter how many times I've heard this age old adage it wasn't enough for me to see the series of events that were unraveling in front of me for what they were…. abuse.

What I thought was going to be my Tinder love story and happily ever after would actually turn out to be one of the biggest tragedies of my life.

To say Aaron and I met each other at the worst times of our lives would be the understatement of the century. We were both broken people barely able to care for ourselves, we had no business trying to start a life together.

I fell hard and fast for what I thought was my night and tarnished armor. I'm not a moron! I have never once claimed that my husband was perfect when we got together, I knew he had a past. Even his most recent baby mama commented how different Aaron acted since meeting me, but this wasn't something I saw. That was the only way I’d known him. If I knew then what I know now this would have been a whole different story.

It would be years before I would come to realize, whether or not it was conscious on his part, that the man I was falling in love with was all an elaborate ruse. I had only been separated from my ex of 13 years Seth for two and a half months when Aaron and I started chatting on Tinder. I'd really only been on Tinder for a week or so, my relationship with Seth was in itself extremely abusive and had left me quite the alcoholic with a pretty hefty cocaine habit. I thought I'd been through the worst it could ever get.. man was I wrong!

I honestly cannot tell you who messaged who first or how the initial conversation went. All I remember is a conversation that went something like this;

"Hey sexy, how's your night?"

If there was a way on paper to accentuate the slur behind these words I would, but alas there is not. Keep in mind it was Friday night around midnight and I was after my past trauma the epitome of a functioning alcoholic.

"Terribly actually :("

Instantly something was awoken in me, this unholy urge to fix whatever was troubling this extremely good looking man. After some chatting back and forth Aaron revealed that he was unfairly being kicked out of where he was living the next day. In an attempt at humor I suggested he needed to get away for a bit and he should come to the Sunshine Coast for a visit and come and meet me. I’d been having a really hard time convincing anyone to come to the coast (a 40 minute ferry ride from Vancouver) since finally leaving my ex and wanting to explore the dating world. I had moved back in with my parents in the home I had spent most of my adolescence in. Which happened to be a quaint hobby farm nestled in the hills of Sechelt on British Columbia's West coast. Since having any type of farm comes with chores my parents were taking advantage of having an extra body around the house and had taken a trip to Cuba, so I was stuck coastbound for two more weeks. Much to my surprise he said that it sounded like a really great idea. He said he had a visit with his daughter the next day but would be free to make his way up to the coast after he was done. He politely let me know that he had to get back to packing his stuff or he would be much later in getting to the ferry the next day.

We agreed to touch base in the morning, said our goodbyes and called it a night. I probably had two or three more drinks by myself and passed the fuck out. When I rolled out of bed around 1:00 p.m. the next day I found a long angry rant from Aarons stating that his ex had withheld his visit with his daughter (so you remember that hindsight comment, even as I'm jotting my memories down I'm able to see clear cut red flags that I either chose to ignore or took as some kind of challenge at the time) so like clockwork my inherent need to help anyone who's struggling kicked into high gear, probably even more so because I was a drunken, abused, hot mess. Here was this very attractive man that was saying everything I needed to hear, but he also needed saving! This was an empath's wet dream come true!!!!

He got his affairs in order and made his way to Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal from Surrey by transit. Which for anyone who has not done it it's quite a feat in itself first. A rapid transit SkyTrain ride, which ends underground, ironically I know, in downtown Vancouver. Then a transit bus to Park Royal mall in West Vancouver, then you get on another bus to Horseshoe Bay and because he had gotten on the milk run bus he had to change buses one more time. While he was making his way to my place, my anxiety and lack of online dating experience really began to show and my mind was racing with a thousand questions. What if he didn't like me? What if I'm not what he expects? What if he's not what I expect? oh God what if he's a serial killer???? The latter question is what drove me to convince my girlfriend Brandi to stay for dinner and help check him out before leaving me alone with him. I decided that he had probably seen enough public transit for the day and had said I would drive the 40 minutes to pick him up from the ferry. It had started snowing, which for most of the Canadian population wouldn't be a problem but on BC's West Coast we never get snow on the main roads so everyone forgets how to drive their automobiles. Despite every bad driver on the whole Coast deciding that they needed to go out right

at that moment I made it to the ferry with time to spare. I remember very nervously waiting outside of my truck for him to walk off the ship and up the pedestrian walk away, all while having the eeriest feeling that someone was watching me. I had yet to see any retaliation from leaving Seth, but I knew it was coming.

Aaron walked out of the walkway and up to me with the biggest smile on his face he came up and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. We got into my truck and headed to my parents house. The freshly falling snow was a great small talk conversation starter, as it always is on the west coast. The conversation revealed that he was from Northern Ontario, actually the town now known for having the most snow in North America. It also brought to light that he had a son back home as well as his daughter in Surrey. When we got back to the house the three of us had a really nice dinner of prime rib, mashed potatoes, and Yorkshire pudding. The whole nine yards, what can I say I ai

m to impress, and impress him is exactly what I did. It was sometime after dinner and I was probably 4 drinks in at this point. We decided we were going to go in the hot tub. I inquired what Brandi's plans were as I knew she didn't really want to hang out while I hooked up with some random. As much as she wanted to high tail it out of there she decided that there was too much snow for her to feel comfortable driving so she excused herself to the basement to leave us to get to know each other. I remember I had just gotten changed and walked out into the main area of the upstairs. We made eye contact and I saw a fire ignite in his eyes, he came forward to kiss me for the first time. He went to passionately push me to the wall and it wou

ld have been the best first kiss had I not been so perfectly me and misjudged the distance I had before hitting the very large ceramic milk jug my parents used as an umbrella stand. In true Vanessa fashion it came tumbling down and the moment was over.

I can't remember exactly what it was that tipped me off that he was high as a kite but it was right before we went in the hot tub. I think it was the way he kept moving his jaw, it was something I knew all too well after dealin

g with Seth and his addiction issues. We made small talk in the hot tub but all I could think about was how badly I wanted to do a line of coke. After a little back and forth chit chat we got to doing what we both knew we were there to do. After the logistics of fucking in a hot tub got too annoying we decided to move to the bedroom. Taking advantage of this brief intermission I looked at him and said “remember I told you about my ex's history with drugs?” Pause for dramatic effect “I know you're high right now” in the blink of an eye his whole body went stiff and the color drained from his face…… “ Well, are you going to share?” I said wit

h a maniacal laugh and shit eating grin on my face. I watched his body start to relax and a smirk form on his lips. “Sure” he said and then went to work preparing us each line.

I was infatuated and had no idea what in that moment I had unleashed. We slept in and Brandi was already gone when we got up. I said I was going to make breakfast and set to work doing so, creating a farm fresh feast. While sputtering around the kitchen I found a bag of THC Edibles I had from my friend's company( I had told Aaron that I had been working for her and he was intrigued) so in the most nonchalant way I could I dumped the candies on the bed beside him and walked away. I went

back to my task of making breakfast and a few minutes later Aaron came into the kitchen to tell me he didn't really eat eggs so as not to make extra on his account. I turned on my heels and went to say something cheeky to him and that's when I noticed the chocolate bar wrapper in his hand. “Did you eat the whole thing?” I asked “That's a 300 mg chocolate bar. That's a lot” he said so convincingly and naive “I did… why is that really a lot?” After some banter back and forth (we were so good at the banter in the beginning) he assured me he knew what he had done that he would be fine, but he would most likely lay down after we ate.

That's exactly what happened. After cleaning up breakfast I was laying on the couch talking to my friend on the phone. I remember giggling and saying to her “this wasn't supposed to happen, it was supposed to be a one weekend thing! I'm not supposed to like him and catch feelings) Here's that whole hindsight thing again if only I had listened to myself had I just let it be a one time thing, how different my life would be. Shortly after getting off the phone I could sense a presence in the room and loo

ked up and made eye contact with Aaron. watching a big grin form on his face. “This isn't supposed to happen, eh???” My turn for every muscle in my body to tighten in fear and for me to have that look of a deer caught in the headlights. Once I got over the embarrassment of having him hear a conversation he was never meant to hear, Aaron revealed to me that the reason he had taken the high dose of Edibles was to help him work out some things in his head and gain some clarity. With his current situation he had decided he would be going to the courthouse first thing in the morning to file papers to have his visitation with his daughter reinstated. Since he didn't have to be on the garbage truck at 6:30 a.m. he would stay one more night, I was falling hard for this man already and was elated we got to spend one more night together. We enjoyed our evening together and every moment that went by I fell more and more for him, with so many things in common we just clicked. I was so comfortable with him, I co

uld be my weird kooky self and he loved every minute of it. I never wanted the feeling to end. I was so comfortable talking to him I probably told him things about myself and my past that I shouldn't have.

We stayed up way too late just being together and enjoying getting to know one another and having the most amazing sex. So when the alarm went off the next morning to take him to the ferry I was less than impressed. With it being a 40-minute drive there and 40 mins back back I was not even entertaining the idea of getting out of bed and driving all that way. I picked up my phone and started tinkering around on it. As quickly as I picked it up I put it back down and snuggled into that perfect spot between his shoulder and neck. “Aren't I going to be late for the ferry?” he asked. I ever so nonchalantly said “No you won't be late, cuz you're not taking the ferry!” The look of confusion on his face was priceless. I informed him that I had booked him a flight at the seaplanes just down the road from my parents place. I had a terrible headache so the cost, to me, was completely justified. Funny how when you're living rent free at home how much extra money you have.

The look on his face was pure disbelief like, is this chick for real??? At the time my hair and esthetics business was doing really well, d

espite the agonizing pain it caused me. I was also working for my girlfriend's edibles company on the side, so I had the added income. The cost was so worth it to me to be able to be back in bed in 10 minutes. We took our time getting

up and made our way to where the seaplanes took off from. We said our goodbyes, which were nothing spectacular, in fact I don't even remember them. So obviously nothing to write home about. As soon as I got back to the h

ouse I discovered that he had left a shirt behind, I wasted no time in putting it on. I remember sitting on the side of the bed just taking in his scent, putting my arms out and falling back onto the bed. Like something out of a romcom. I can so vividly remember how happy I was, I thought I had found my twin flame. I had just endured so much in my tumultuous relationship with Seth. I laid there for quite a few minutes, my mind reeling, reliving everything that just happened. I took a selfie of me wearing his shirt and sent it to him.

“I'm so jealous of that shirt right now!!!!” was his response.

I tossed and turned in the bed unable to fall back asleep because of an impatiently waiting for any form of communication from him. It was so strange to me how quickly he made an impact. How could I go from saying this is a one weekend thing to literally not being able to get him out of my mind? I thought after leaving my first toxic relationship that I had built up these indestructible walls but at the same time all I've ever wanted is to be loved and I had spent a decade waiting for that feeling from

the wrong man that the attention from Aaron was so longed for that he was making them crumble and fall so easily.

I should have taken this as a warning sign LET ME REPEAT THAT I should have taken that as a warning sign, and not thought that it was proof that we were meant to find each other. Not that he was my soulmate but rather that it was a cold and calculated plan to bring me under his spell, until there was nothing I could do.

The scars from my first toxic relationship run de

ep and caused me to ignore some pretty big red flags. Ultimately setting off the chain reaction that would leave me completely broken, homeless and married to the worst person I have ever met. I am going to take you through the events as I remember them. I want to state now that I in no way am an angel, I have said and done some regrettable things in response to what was happening around me. The story that follows is going to touch on the subjects of suicide, domestic abuse, drug use, psychological abuse, and police brutality. Let this be your trigger warning. Looking back with that whole hindsight thing in mind, if I could tell that naïve and love struck girl one thing it would be….. RUN, RUN the other way and never look back.